drowning

I am envious of those who can make a list of things that must be accomplished, rank it according to importance, and do it just like they planned. Goal-setting, prioritizing, accomplishments.
These things seem to escape my ability to comprehend. I'm going to go address envelopes.

Paper Aversion

I don't do well with paper. I don't like it. I loose small pieces with important information on them. Every time I move, I stuff all these papers into a box, only to find them the next time I move, untouched. Credit card applications, directions to destinations, gas receipts, notes from my family and friends. Every now and then, I'll file the necessary ones, and shred the rest. But this is also a major production, as it requires me to sit still.

Right now I have all these little sayings that I like, from this tear-0ff calender thingy a student gave me, stuck to my monitor. They've started falling off. And I'm packing up my classroom for the last time. So I have to put them somewhere that I won't loose them. And the lightbulb just went on!

"I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter." --Blaise Pascal

"Life is a series of surprises, and would not be worth taking or keeping, if it were not." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops." --Henry Brooks Adams

"You are not in charge of the universe; you are in charge of yourself." --Arnold Bennett

"One must learn by doing the thing; for though you think you know it, you have no certainty, until you try." --Sophocles

"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." --George Herman ("Babe") Ruth

Rain Delay

I went to the Botanical Gardens today with my friend Karen, and her two beautiful children. We were almost there when it started sprinkling. By the time we got inside, got tickets, and got upstairs to go out the doors, it was raining. Then it poured. And poured. And poured. This gave us some good chatting time. She said, "This reminds me of what's going on in your life. Not that it's pouring, but that we had this great plan, we drove straight for the plan, and when we got here, it was a lot different than we thought it would be. That's like your life right now."
I'm so thankful others are able to see what God is doing, and that they are part of this grand adventure with me.

Giant Box of Emotions

So the box I've been stuffing emotional things into has gotten large enough to need a wagon to carry it around. I think I'll start unpacking it next week. Here's what's in the box as of right now, at 5:09 p.m. Thursday, May 22.
1. Tomorrow the most difficult year of teaching comes to a close. I question myself repeatedly about what I should have done, could have done to reach my kiddos.
2. Tomorrow is my last day teaching at a school I love, where I am comfortable, and with people who have become my family. I can't begin to put words to this one. I think I'll stuff it further down, maybe for July.
3. I won't be working for Brazil Mission Society next year. I feel like I'm letting people down. They assure me I am not. The feeling hasn't gone away. I'm not sure I'll go to Brazil at all.
4. I have some health things to think about and take care of.
5. Where do I go and what do I do now?

I think five things is enough. I'll keep you posted on the unpacking.

The Great Nebraska Adventure of '08

My friend is graduating this weekend with her Master's degree in Literacy Education from Concordia University in Nebraska. I never like to miss an opportunity for an adventure, so I came along to celebrate the weekend with her. We left St. Louis early this morning on a Southwest Airlines flight. Let the adventure begin!

We arrived in Omaha (or Ohama, as we like to call it) and headed down the escalator to retrieve our luggage. Halfway down the escalator we both had Baltimore airport flashbacks, where we flew in December to visit friends. That night we found our luggage, only to stand there for a long time while everyone else was picked up by family and friends while we waited...and waited...and called everyone we knew to get our friend's number (who was coming to get us). Needless to say, no one, from coast to coast, could help us. So we waited. Even the guy who had flowers for his girl got picked up before us, two attractive single gals!

Back to today...
So we got our bags and headed out to grab a cab (doesn't that sound cool and grown up?). The first cab to come along was bright yellow, The Happy Cab! A man emerged from the cab with true ebony skin. We got in the car, where we were greeted with pounding tribal music. 'Cool,' I thought. We're gonna have a multi-cultural experience! He asked where we were going with a thick African accent. We showed him the address, and he laughed and said, "You've been here before, right?" "Nope!" "Is this is a home or a hotel?" "Neither, it's where we need to pick up our rental car."

Oh, yeah, I was trying to save us a few dollars by getting the car away from the airport. There are taxes and extra fees there, and besides, they were sold out because I didn't make the reservation until yesterday. So back to saving some cash...

So away from the airport we drove. We were zipping along the highway when signs for road construction began popping up. I didn't notice the huge orange "road closed ahead...detour" sign, but Erin did. Sadly, the driver missed it as well.

We found ourselves pulling in between the huge orange construction barrels and stopping next to the giant "ROAD CLOSED" sign. Construction crews were all over the exit ramp, including a huge steamroller. The construction foreman approached the car and said, "Hey! You gotta get the outta here!" Our driver didn't really seem to understand why he couldn't drive on the exit ramp. I guess the steamroller, giant signs, and yelling foreman weren't enough clues about what he shouldn't be doing.

As the tribal music continued pounding away, we re-entered the highway and continued to the Enterprise Rent-A-Car. We bolted from the car, thanked Martin, handed him $36 and headed inside. Little did I know, the next adventure was about to begin.

After declining the insurance offered through Enterprise (thus saving us $18/day), I was rifling through all the cards in my wallet searching for a credit card, when I caught a glimpse of my expired insurance card. Yes, expired insurance card. I finished signing my life away with Enterprise, got in the car, and said, "Um, hey Erin? I don't have proof of insurance." At this point I began laughing until tears came to my eyes.

With the African tribal beat pounding in my ears, I pulled out onto the road and drove safely away....

Friday

So every month my staff gets together on the first Friday of the month, well, for First Friday. We've done this as long as I've been at my school, so for seven years I've been part of this. We get together at someone's house, more often than not at Spencer and Rhonda's, for food and beverages, and sometimes a movie or fire on the patio.
It hit me tonight, that this was my last first Friday. I won't be part of the staff next year, nor will I be part of any staff. I'm not sure what to feel right now. I think I need more time to process this one. I know I need to, but can't seem to force myself to go there. When someone asks if I'm excited about what's coming, my gut reaction isn't alway, yea! It's more of, I think so, but look at all I'm leaving. That's more of where I am right now. The fact that I am leaving a group of people that are so amazing, wonderful, all of those things, and going to a staff of 1, is kind of hard to imagine. When I listen to my prinicpal talk about teachers he is considering for a position, and I realize how high his standards are, how high his expectations are, I can't help but wonder why in the world I'm leaving. I am one who met those standards and expectations, one who earned his respect. And I'm choosing to leave this? Am I crazy? Do I realize how many people would love to be in that position? I guess I didn't really get it until tonight. I've caught glimpses of it in the past, but it really hit home tonight.